No matter our experiences or background growing up, most of us can remember at least one or two occasions during childhood where we were picked on, made fun of in front of peers, humiliated in some way, threatened, intimidated, or perhaps even beaten up.

I was a tall boy (and “smart”) in my school and clearly recall the students who did these things to me, as well as details and circumstances surrounding these terrible incidents. Mostly I was picked on by older (and larger) students, and I recall particularly one of my classmates who seemed bent on making me suffer daily. Adults in the school didn’t seem to notice or care—at least it certainly felt that way. No adult ever talked to us about bullying, how to report it, or what to do about it. Maybe they just thought it was “normal.”

Overt, painful, and intimidating bullying events are more characteristic of boys than girls, and they tend to occur in school settings where there is limited adult supervision and monitoring to prevent them.¹ Girls also engage in bullying and peer harassment of each other at rates that some researchers say approximately equal those of boys; however, their bullying is typically expressed in more subtle behavioral forms known as relational (or social) aggression. It is much more covert in nature and can occur in any setting at basically any time. (See figure below from Chapter 9 of Best Behavior Second Edition.)

Those engaged in relational aggression tend to exclude others from activities; damage reputations through backbiting, lies, and rumors; try to ruin existing friendships through alienation; and engage in social manipulation and discrimination of others. Although in the past it seems that male bullying consisted mostly of the overt behaviors and female bullying was largely confined to the covert behaviors, this division along gender lines seems to be blurring in society, and especially in schools. It is obvious from media accounts, school reports, and legal actions that female aggression and violence is occurring on a daily basis. Likewise, any boy in school will tell you that boys regularly engage in social bullying. The upshot is that both types of bullying and harassment can be extremely damaging to both the victim and, since long-term social and academic outcomes for bullies are so negative, the perpetrators.

Cyberbullying or electronic aggression has emerged as another form of bullying as students have increased access to computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices. This form of bullying refers to aggression that is executed through personal computers or cell phones to send e-mail, instant messaging, text messages, or posts on social networks. What is concerning is that this type of bullying can be unrelenting and “24/7” through social media. Many young people seem to think they are “anonymous” when posting online, but we know that is far from the truth. Though research is limited about this new form of bullying, surprisingly (to me and many) it appears to occur at about the same rate as “traditional” bullying.

The problem is “normal” bullying is extremely damaging to young people, and we now know of the lifelong effects that can accrue from bullying experiences. These effects include lower self-esteem, depression and anxiety, absenteeism and lowered school achievement (this is particularly true for LGBTQ students²), thoughts of suicide (and rarely actual suicide), illness (headaches, sleep problems, abdominal pain, etc.).

We also know that many bullies grow up to be criminals, domestic abusers, and have a higher likelihood of developing alcohol and drug use problems. Also, we know that bullies aren’t doing it to raise their “self-esteem,” but it certainly may result in many rewards such as attention and support from peers, a little joy in seeing another suffer, or obtaining someone else’s “stuff.” You may recall being a “bystander” to bullying and either supporting the bully (you might be next!) or not really knowing what to do while you see another person suffer.

So if this is all so bad, and so prevalent, what do we do?

One thing is clear: if we do nothing, bullying will survive and thrive in the school environment, where victims are routinely paired with bullies simply because they attend school together. We also know that most of our effects from evidence-based programs are moderate at best. Yet, if we can reduce bullying in schools, isn't it worthy of pursuit? Transforming the destructive peer culture of bullying and harassment is perhaps our most formidable task in the area of school safety and discipline.

As an educator, see if you can answer the following questions, which can be found in Chapter 9 of the Best Behavior guidebook for building positive behavior interventions and supports (PBIS) in schools:

• Does our school have a school-wide program (such as PBIS) that teaches pro-social skills to all students, creating a respectful social climate?
• To what extent is socially aggressive behavior, bullying, and harassment a problem in our school?
  • How do we know?
  • How often do we ask students?
• Does our school or school district have a specific policy about socially aggressive behavior/bullying?
  • If so, what does the policy require us to do?
• What is the proper response if a student reports a bullying incident to me?
  • What should I say to the student?
  • What information do I need to collect?
  • To whom do I report the socially aggressive behavior or bullying?
• Does our school have a specific plan or program for bullying prevention and response?
  • Do students know how to report socially aggressive behavior or bullying properly?
  • Do students know how to respond to a socially aggressive behavior or bullying incident?
    • When they are the victim?
    • When they are “standing by” and watching it happen?
  • How do we respond when the socially aggressive person/bully won’t stop?

I encourage you to talk with your students, parents, and colleagues about these questions and adopt approaches that are based in scientific evidence. The work is complex and worthy of consistent, daily effort to protect our students. If we are consistent and systematic, we can teach and promote empathy, encourage friendship-building, and certainly teach all students and adults how to recognize and respond to aggressive behavior, bullying, or harassment.

¹Sprague, J. R., & Golly, A. (2013). Best behavior: Building positive behavior support in schools. Longmont, Colorado: Cambium Learning Sopris Learning.

²Kosciw, J., Greytak, E., Palmer, N., & Boesen, M. J. (2014). The 2013 national school climate survey: The experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth in our nation’s schools. New York: GLSEN.

Click the button below to view a recorded Leadership Webinar by Dr. Jeffrey Sprague titled “Implementing School-Based Antibullying and Cyberbullying Policies and Practices.” The webinar is complimentary.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Check out Pacer’s National Bullying Prevention Center to learn more. Please share your comments and experiences related to bullying and building a positive school climate in the comments field below. Thank you for the important role you play in bullying prevention!