By Kathleen Keelan
It is a myth that cyberbullying is the problem. Cyberbullying is a symptom of a larger issue. The larger issue could be at the school, at the home, with the child or children themselves or, even scarier, with society.
According to the Megan Meier Foundation, 13 million children will be bullied or cyberbullied in the U.S. this year.
Megan Meier was from O’Fallon, Missouri. When Megan opened an account on MySpace, she received a message from a supposedly 16-year-old boy, “Josh.” They became “friends,” even though they never met or spoke on the phone. “Josh” claimed that he lived nearby and was homeschooled. He did not exist. Lori Drew, the mother of Megan’s former friend Sarah Drew, created him.
Lori was aided by several others and intended to use Megan’s messages to “Josh” to get information about her and later humiliate her, in retribution for her allegedly spreading gossip about Sarah.
The final message Megan received from “Josh” was along the lines of, “The world would be better off without you.” Megan hanged herself in her closet and, despite attempts to revive her, she did not make it.
Megan Meier’s story was one of the first cases of cyberbullying to capture public attention. It reminds us that cyberbullying is not always between students and illustrates the complexities of the larger issue.
The purpose of this blog is to stress that we cannot brush off cyberbullying with simple solutions. We need to look at the circumstances that surround stories like this.
“It has become appalling obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.” —Albert Einstein
Cyberbullying is not the problem, but rather a symptom of a larger issue. If we take the school system, for example, schools where cyberbullying can flourish may have a couple of things in common. Unexamined prejudices are the root of bullying. Both students and adults may have some prejudices against certain groups, either consciously or unconsciously, that make it so they do not feel the urgency to act when cyberbullying cases are brought to their attention. There may be a lack of trust in the leadership and a propensity to avoid conflict. The administration may not know how to handle the complex intricacies of an incident, even when there are policies or laws that prohibit electronic violence.
Some students believe that discussing such concerns with teachers would prove ineffective. When adults do not handle cyberbullying in proper ways, students may be bullied even more. Thus the bullied student may refrain from discussing continued harassment.
Cyberbullying and its messy complexity are often not dealt with in a preventive fashion, but rather in a knee-jerk way once an incident is brought up, either in school or in the media. Furthermore, cyberbullying has another aspect to it that makes it even more difficult for schools: our First Amendment right to free speech. It is hard to defend dealing with cyberbullying at school when most of the cyberbullying happens at home or on personal devices. Frankly, many schools wish that the issue would just work itself out.
“It’s the cyberbully who is insecure. Cyberbullying is a cheap, cowardly way to gain an advantage over someone psychologically.” —Shay Mitchell
It goes without saying that people who engage in such abhorrent behaviors as described in the case of Megan Meier have issues. Hostility to this degree behind a cloak of anonymity really speaks volumes.
In this landmark case, there were no charges filed against Lori Drew. Society may be looking the other way in these situations as well. When such cases reach the national judicial level, they are often sent down to the lower courts, which send them back to the local districts. However, most states have legislation against electronic bullying because of cases like this, which is one good result.
Another problem is the lack of accessible and affordable mental health care for troubled students and their families. When mental health care is available at schools, the time allocated for that position is often not enough. These professionals should be consulting with school administrators to determine what, if any, psychological factors may be present in a bullying incident. Then there need to be resources made available to the victim and the bully to address the issue at hand.
“Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke.” —Benjamin Disraeli
If we step back, I believe we can see cyberbullying as an opportunity to address what is not working with our schools, our students, and society. We can use this opportunity to grow. Instead of trying to stop this problem we call cyberbullying, we can begin to have the more difficult conversations around looking at how our systems serve or fail to serve our children.
Research around bullying shows that much of the time kids are acting in groups. There is also a worrisome number of people who are bystanders during these types of incidents. Adults may be failing kids, either at home or at school. If cyberbullying is a symptom of the problem, then we must discover where the larger problem lies.
Kathleen Keelan has dedicated her career to preventing bullying by working as a teacher, therapist, presenter, and expert witness in bullying cases. She has been conducting bullying prevention workshops in schools since the late ’90s and also conducts classes and webinars throughout the United States.
